Leave it to the Professionals!

I’ve never claimed to be a writer, although I do sometimes love to get my thoughts on paper. The other day Bob and I were on our way to work, and as we approached E’town, we could see and smell the smoke from the wildfires that took place in Fort Knox and Sonora. It was an eerie feeling as we drove through the smoke, so I wanted to try to capture it in writing. Well, I wrote my short descriptive story about our drive to work that morning, and I asked Andrew to take a look at it and let me know what he thought. Here’s my story:

"A pungent odor filled the air as we made our way down the WK Parkway this morning. A caliginous sky left us questioning the events of the previous evening. An old combine, with not enough grease on its bearings, had sparked a field of soy beans. What started as a small, containable fire rapidly grew into the area’s worst wild fire. Burning out of control, consuming acres and acres of soy bean field, the fire quickly approached the small community, threatening the homes and barns standing in its path. The quick response of the fire department, combined with the Forestry Department’s knowledge, and the local farmer’s tractors, brought the fire in control within hours. Throughout the night the fire was watched, with nervous hearts, to assure the wind didn’t stir the still burning embers.


This morning, making our way to work, we were witness to the remnants of the devastation. The air, thick with smoke, lingered throughout the town, creating an intense fog for the morning commute. The smell, lingering in the air, thick and heavy, bringing back childhood memories of our wood burning stove, was embedded deep in our nostrils."

I guess I should have known that a professional writer would rip it to shreds. LOL! Good thing I’m not sensitive to constructive criticism. Andrew replied with the following:

“Well, it needs a middle and an end. A story, for the most part, is about character, and what you have here, is a premise for a story. I need to see character(s) and what they learn, going back to the memory of a woodburning stove is good--but more specific, what does a wood-burning stove smell like to you--and I want to see more and more of this happening. And, on that note, leave out the Fire Dept, the Forest Dept. that its the area's biggest fire. That's exposition. Again, bring it back to characters. Or, make what you have much more concise, and create a metaphor for this fire and your memory, and really elaborate the images that are brought up, but conclude on something punchy...this could be a comment on something going up in smoke, an old flame, whatever, but it could be great. (The note about the combine is very beautiful :) )”

After giving me this tidbit of information, he went on to write how he thought I should have written the story. Here’s his version:

“The road was black as pitch for the furrows of smoke and ash like fat flakes of snow. In the distance, the waves of fire crop licked the sky, and the black clouds rolled up like burning wallpaper. There was a smell in my nostrils, one of kindling, an old wood-burning stove on a brick hearth in Winter. My eyes watered then as they do now, my second marriage the heavy cherry log that melts, melds with the soot. The soybean field smolders now, waiting for fairer weather to be burnt out.”

Talk about pencil envy! After reading his version, my sad little story didn’t seem fit, even for a children’s book. Also, do you know how long it would have taken me to come up with something like that! Not in my lifetime! LOL! Of course, I was only writing a short description of what we experienced, but Andrew, in his response, wanted me to make it into a story. There’s just not enough time in the world for me to come up with something like that…. I guess that’s where the saying “Leave it to the professionals” comes into play.

I’m very proud of Andrew, and truly welcome his input on my inadequate writing skills. I hope to see him published in the near future.

TTFN!