At Last, We Have Answers!

Since Mya was about 4 years old, I knew something wasn’t quite right. She was unusually shy, and had quit showing affection toward me, and others. At first I fluffed it off as her being around adults, mostly, and not being comfortable in her peer group. I assumed it would get better when she started school. Kindergarten wasn’t better. 1st grade was horrible, and by 2nd grade, she started losing weight and her hair was falling out. Last year I mentioned my concerns to her doctor, and we just took the wait and see approach. This past fall, when her hair started falling out, the wait and see was over. I told the doctor I wanted her checked out, to rule out anything medical that might be causing the sudden hair and weight loss, and if everything came back okay, I wanted a referral to have her evaluated. Mya was down to 50 pounds, and her hair had thinned significantly. Finally, we had an appointment at the Weisskopf Center in Louisville.

Before our visit, I made a list of observations, explaining various behaviors I was seeing at home. Each year in school, I asked the teachers if they noticed anything odd, or out of the ordinary, only to be told Mya was a good kid, and got along well with others. Hmmm… There was a time I was beginning to wonder if maybe it was me. If I was seeing all these quirky behaviors, and the teachers weren’t, maybe it’s me. Well, this year, when I again mentioned it to her teachers, her all day teacher assured me she was fine. Her Math teacher, on the other hand, said she noticed it almost immediately. I spent a lot of time talking to her Math teacher, and when we prepared for the evaluation, it was the Math teachers input that I used for the “teacher questionnaire”. I received a packet from the Weisskopf Center, and there was a letter for me, instructing me to go online and complete a behavioral form, and there was a letter for her teacher, to do the same. Since I was getting zero information from her all day teacher, I decided to give the letter to her math teacher. When we went for the evaluation, the doctor told me the teacher and I were seeing the exact same behaviors. Not that I want anything to be wrong with my child, but I was so happy to hear those words. I had confirmation. I’m not crazy, or over protective. Then I became angry because had the teachers been honest with me in the past, we could have gotten her help sooner.

The day of the evaluation was long, and exhausting. I’m a talker, and I do believe I wore myself out talking that day. The doctor met with me first, and we talked about everything. Then she met with Mya, and then back with me again.

After talking to Mya, the doctor discovered that Mya has a very low body image, and would like to change many things about her appearance. She thinks she’s fat. Mya feels like she’s not good enough, and she feels she’s a bad person. My heart broke in two. The doctor was very concerned about Mya’s body image issues, not so much for now, but for in a few years, when puberty and body changes start to happen. This will have to be monitored closely so that it doesn’t escalate in the future.

Mya was officially diagnosed with general and social anxiety. She doesn’t want people to look at her. If you see us out, and speak to her, she will not respond. The doctor said we may even notice that she may lie from time to time, but only to tell us what she thinks we want to hear, not to be devious. This is a reaction of her feeling like she’s not good enough, or a bad person. If she lies, and tells us what she thinks we want to hear, in her mind, she thinks it will make her look like a better person.
When we left the doctors office, and were driving home, I asked her if they played games, or just talked. At first she ignored me, which is a sign that she doesn’t want to talk about it. Later, she mentioned something about the visit, so I brought it up again, and she burst into tears. When the doctor took her back, to talk to her, she thought she was in time out. The doctor told her where to sit, and Mya thought it was a time out chair, and she was in trouble. This type of meltdown I’m so used to dealing with. You have to be really careful what you say, because you never know how she’s going to take it. The doctor explained that people with anxiety issues will always grab the negative of a situation. The doctor explained so much about anxiety, and how it affects people. The list of behaviors I took with me made so much more sense.

We started anxiety medication this past Sunday, and on the 25th we will start seeing a therapist. From what I was told, the therapist will give her tools to help her cope and deal with the anxiety. I’m very hopeful.

On a positive note! Yesterday, Mya actually sang with me, in the car. She’s never done that, and in the past would never allow anyone to hear her sing.  She was on the honor roll again, for this 9 weeks, and went in front of the crowd to receive her award.  Mom asked me this morning if I’ve noticed any changes since the medication, and I told her that I’ve seen small changes, and she said for the first time in forever, Mya hugged her when she came home.  My heart is so full of joy to see these wonderful, small things that mean so much. If we’ve seen this much change in a few days, imagine where we’ll be in a month! 

Lesson for the day: You know your child, and you know when something isn’t right. If you have the means, push, push, push until you get answers. It’s been a long 3, going on 4, years, but I kept talking and asking questions, and finally, we have answers.

At last, maybe the world will be able to see just how wonderful, funny, and smart Mya is, and not just hear about her in my postings. 